Musical Genius and Stand Up God Bill Bailey discusses his efforts to learn Mandarin, and recalls his heroic efforts to save a majestic owl from being eaten as a Chinese delicacy, along with the snakes, bats and salamanders.
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"That's a social disaster waiting to happen just there." Brilliant, not to mention "a water vole and I shared a moment, would you call me an ambulance?" Bill should be given a drink of the elixir of life to ensure generations of brilliance.
Waiting for the punch line of "released the owl into the wild, and it flew straight back to the restaurant"
I don't know, I think you could boil a phoenix... so long as you wait to pluck it till after
A pangolin. Thanks China
Jeeze sir, you had better stay out of resturaunts that serve Lorax, I'm not sure if they have reflective surfaces in England but might want to consult one before your next trip east.
Trying to get the image of poaching a phoenix out of my head. It's not working.
Beautiful = Large Sheep
The thinking mans comedian. What is this DVD called I need to see it. When I'm pissed off. Which is regularly, these days.
I wasn’t in a great mood when I watched this, it still made me laugh🙂🙃
Told the Ma joke to my mates 30 years ago but as usual Bill tells it better !
I died at the owl part 🤣"Is this what you do on your holidays, beardy? Stello tape up owls and drive them around in the woods? What are you doing next, gaffering up a gazelle and chucking em down a waterslide"
genius is too small a word, Bill Bailey is to England, what Billy Connolly is to Scotland
Oh mr Bailey! ...oh...
His iq must me impressive
Most quality comedians are extremely intelligent.
This dude looks like a cross between Louis CK and Bobcat Goldthwait
Dude looks like the fuckin lorax but he's funny as hell😂
NOT SPOILER: Buy this video and see what happens at the very end!! :D So glad I've seen him live! He's hysterical :D
I'm learning Mandarin. I can totally relate to this. 😂
Brilliant! 😂
Have you ever tried laminating a cat? The tail is a bigger to get tucked in
Most under rated comedian and amazing nature presenter.
"Die forty-four times, thankyou" is pronounced SHI SHI SISHISHSHSHE SHE
Technically, Si SiShiSiShi, Xie Xie (死四十四时， 谢谢) but I see your point
3:06 chinese restaurant joke heavily under appreciated hahah
As someone who's married to a chinese woman who's parents don't speak any English... Yes, it is very easy to accidentally call your mother a horse.
what's with the two 30 second unskippable ads yt
Karma.
btw if you haven't seen it you gotta watch the end of the show where he shows video evidence that this happened, and you get to see thousands of minds actually explode at one time
nlworld.info/key/video/ppx3pdzMi3-YaZA
I'm fucking d e d X_D
I picked up a stunned owl once. Took it to a nearby forest and it flew off. Felt very pleased with myself. It was years later that I learned owl's are masssively territorial and releasing such a bird into foreign territory is tantamount to a death sentence.
Many birds are territorial, but they fight all the time and borders change, so releasing a bird into another's territory won't be a death sentence, it'll just get chased off until it finds a bird it can win against or a vacant bit of land. If it was a death sentence then there's be no way for juvenile birds to find anywhere to live.
@japeking1 I think it has to do with the size of the bird, the prey it hunts and the terrain. Large birds can have quite large territories, especially if the terrain holds few prey (per square kilometer). But a smaller bird isn't likely to compete with a massive one so is not competition (although it could be prey).
@seraphale I might be overdramatising the situation.... I hope so. The bird seemed quite small so we assumed then that it was a juvenile. It was a Ruru ( Morepork ) and they are actually quite small so 40 years later , it might have been an adult. I've no idea how large a territory these birds occupy.... we took it to bush about 300m away from the buildings ( as the owl fliys, about a km in the car ) and when it took off, in amazing silence it waltzed around the thick undergrowth with a grace that suggests it might have been still in its own territory. Still... one of the moments to live for.
Surely they have homing skills?
There is nothing wrong with exotic Chinese food. That is one of the good things about their culture . We need to be more like them. They are wonderful
kaz kk no, there is totally nothing wrong with it..... you slept through the last 6 months, right?
2:46 "I threw a stone into the pond, the ripples bounced off the bank, they met in the middle in a beautiful helix, a waterbowl and i shared a moment. Anyway, all that being the case, would you mind calling me an ambulance?" LOL!
That was gold🤣
@James A ahh, my apologies. English is a second language to me, i couldn't hear what he said.. waterbowl, waterfowl, etc etc.. i just picked one at random :D
Waterbowl doesn’t quite have the same poetry to it as water vole.
he look Danis.
' Is this what you do on your holidays beardie? ' 😂😂😂
i quite liked David Bowies later work
Yes. Although I definitely needed a Nurofen for some of his eighties stuff...two, frankly, for "Never Let Me Down".
"you hold the owl's talons with the oven glove and i'll cut the sellotape off with the nail scissors. Now there's not a phrasebook in the world...." thank you Bill for such a glorious flight of fancy. Having just been watching the odious Communications director for the Trump campaign justifying his stupidity and ignorance i needed this. Can't wait 'til you're touring again :- )
to order Chinese food you just have to know "这个", means "this one"
@The Major Maybe they are cheaper without the flu.
That's how I order my slaves from the Chinese government. 这个, 这个, 这个, 这个, 这个, 这个, 这个... and of course 这个人妖 the last one is a gift to any corrupt western politicians or celebrities or even priests. I take the trip over to China and go 你好吗,习近平？你有奴隶吗？有多好。我将采取四个男孩，三个女孩和一个人妖。谢谢 Oh the slaves, aren't of Han Chinese Ethnicity, It's mostly Pamiri, because they don't stand out here in the west. Yes this is an obvious joke, because I clearly couldn't afford buying slaves from China. They might have the China Flu. Oh how I love making comments on NLworld.
That's interesting how the seconds character actually looks like an arrow
Pure Genius
Sorry Bill, pictures or it didn't happen
❤❤❤😂😂😂yesyesyes, Bill!! The greatest comedian of all time!!
how crazy and correct this clip is
I'd panfry or roast a Phoenix, that way you couldn't burn it, would just have to start again
Boiling could work.
Fucking hell that's random
No phrasebook huh, I'll need to track down a phrase book my mother once found at a bookstore. It has the most random things in it...such as how to say "May I use your towel to soak up this blood?" It has some legitimate phrases too, but that one stuck out to us and it's an inside joke within the family now. Often we emphasis that we need someone else's towel, we don't want to get ours dirty.
I have a phrase book that includes 5 translations of "your father is a hamster & your mother smells of elderberries".
I remember listening to my parents' Berlitz language tape and reading the accompanying book, for tourists' German, as a child. There was a section which may have been euphemistically termed "Socialising". I squirmed with embarrassment as a man throatily intoned in a deep voice, "Do you want to come back to my... hotel?" (Pretty sure the classic "Do you come here often?" was in there as well). Good times.
Bat fried rice
Chinese for "may I have..?" is "GIVE ME..!"
bat
0:55 - 0:58 .... Love it!
Simply wonderful!
What happened to the owl ??? I Need to Know !
@Dom Morris Tryina make Homey all misty-eyed!
@Dom Morris Tryina make Homey all misty-eyed!
This took a while... Sorry about that. Here is a link to the resolution of the Owl Story. nlworld.info/key/video/ppx3pdzMi3-YaZA
@Martin Kadlec where do I find the ending?
Take a look at the whole thing, you will learn all at the end. (Great ending btw)
Is this in London Hyde Park?
Hammersmith Apollo.
No, this was Hammersmith
Poached phoenix for tea tonite
Or boiled lorax
I dealt with Cantonese street traders by just learning the phrase "that, please" and pointing.
@Tim Rowe Cool can you ask her to help explain the difference between two characters for me? As a non-native speaker I never could definitively come up with an answer on my own. What's the difference between these two characters and when/ how do you use them properly? 请 vs 唔该 唔该vs对不起
nerp27 My wife is Hong Kong Chinese and a native Cantonese speaker. She assures me that the phrase *does* mean "please" and the Chinese do say please, though it's possible I got the Sinographs wrong because when I tried to learn Cantonese they didn't teach us the writing.
@Tim Rowe That doesn't mean that please. Looks like you wrote mmm-goi (trying to phoneticize Cantonese is really hard). The first character is mostly a sound word and the second one is part of the word for should. From what I recall living in Guangzhou China It can be translated into politeness or excuse me or pardon me. That please is usually written like this那个，请 and doesn't make sense in normal grammatical structure. So yeah based on my experience you were pointing at things and saying " politeness"
@romancandlefight The Cantonese certainly do - 唔 該.
Chinese ppl never say please lol
I feel sad for all the animals on humans menu. That's the reason why I am a vegan.
I eat 81lbs of beef each day, and wash it down with some milk
Well there's a feather in your cap! Now shut up.
Q. How can you figure out if someone's a vegan? A: no need, they'll tell you soon enough
Never try to kill an owl by wringing it’s neck.
@seraphale oh
@DJ Scottdog It's a joke about their range of motion. All kidding aside, you should know that it's illegal to kill any predatory birds (raptors) in the US.👍🏼
Why
A fucking CORMORANT!! LOLOLOLOL!
你用烤箱手套握住猫头鹰的爪子 "you hold the owl's talons with the oven glove" 我用指甲剪把猫头鹰撕掉 "I'll cut the sellotape off the owl with the nail scissors"
@Chris Burn or sticky tape
@John Anon Sellotape isn't like either of those products, it's what North Americans would call Scotch Tape (after the predominant brand). In the UK we call Saran wrap "cling film". In NZ/Aus they call it "Glad Wrap", I think.
是真的
@John Anon Exactly. Bill's one of the best teachers just like Stephen Fry. I'm glad that you found it's interesting.😊
@Silvia F Cool & I think we need to Boycott Bill because he can make anything interesting and understandable to average person and after googling things like logograms it doesn't seem nearly as complicated or funny, but its certainly interesting. :)
The NLworld algorithm is making fun of China.
Wheres the rest of the @&$@%& story!?
I've kinda screwed up on this thread a little for...reasons... but it just occurred to me I should have addressed this to YOUR OP for the interest of you and, hopefully, others. Hint: stick the clip out til the very end for the "magic". Cheers. nlworld.info/key/video/ppx3pdzMi3-YaZA
@Chi Sam sorry I'm having to post twice to you - for some reason NLworld isn't letting me edit posts rn - but I found something I think you'll appreciate. You may think it's the wrong clip but stick it out til the end. Enjoy. nlworld.info/key/video/ppx3pdzMi3-YaZA
@Chi Sam You're welcome, mate - and thanks for the gracious response
@Chi Sam there are literally other people on here who've observed there was more to the story in the routine - I think one of them may have even posted a link? Read other threads, man. And what's with the "yo mama"-level insults? Jesus, buddy. Lighten up.
@Chi Sam First of all Karen, you can ASSUME all you'd like. What kind of pathetic person trolls YT looking for people to dump their unctuous hatred on for no reason? You think anyone online cares about your opinions? The people in your own life obviously don't, which is why you're here spewing your toxic negativity to random strangers. Kick rocks. Go do something fun with one of your cats.
“I’m disappointed in your mother’s horse hemp.”
Bill Bailey's as great as ever, but the subject matter is kind of not so funny now.
Do you only find jokes about winter funny in the summer?
Really? Timing?
Where's the joke? Sounds about right as far as China is concerned.
Good on you Bill We love you
Mandarin becomes doubly dangerous when you discover the word for 'pen' and the word for 'c**t' are the same...many awkward moments from that one.
@Dead Doll Heard of irony?
@Hareecio Nelson I don't buy that at all, it's just a weak justification for the gutter-mouthed. You wouldn't call a cop, judge, job interviewer etc that because they certainly wouldn't find it endearing, yet you'd use that term to a best friend? My best friends are better than that and possess a vocabulary beyond four letter expletives.
@Keeley Wheelz Chinese don't recognise humour when they are the butt of the joke.
@Chi Sam Thanks for the critique. When your tight 5 at the comedy store gets leaked I'll be sure to give it a like.
@Chi Sam Dude, I was just making a joke. Lighten up
Brilliant comedy, and I know Bill is a great animal advocate, but I'd just like to say buying the animal isn't the overall best choice as it funds the trade and only helps that individual. Better to notify authorities if illegal! Or, alternatively, promote vegetarianism as different countries view different animals as food, and the best way around that is to consider a none meat diet.
Unfortunately, Chinese authorities would have done nothing as it’s perfectly within the bounds of Chinese law to eat basically anything. Plus his lack of spoken Chinese wouldn’t have helped him there anyway. In addition, he is vegetarian(ish) and does agree with it as a way of life in the UK but, again, it’s a bit pointless in China where any animal is seen as a food option (if you can catch it) and he doesn’t speak the language.
@Ben Harris one can't help but wonder, to which "authorities" should Bill have reported this transgression? The Chinese Food Police? I doubt he would find any useful phrases in the book for that situation, as the restaurant was acting well within the boundaries of Chinese law. Use your head, you smug twit😒
coughcoughsigh unfortunately the best thing to do is to leave the animal there, as buying it reinforces that capturing animals from the wild is profitable. No slight on Bill, it definitely seems like the moral choice. I think the information that it does more damage in the long term isn’t widely enough known, unfortunately
I mean, point taken but I think given the circumstances Bill did the best thing he could do.
As I said, great joke! Just a common misconception about wildlife markets that I thought it was good to have some info about in the comments 🤙🏼
Timely/10
cormorants are actually quite tasty
This was a great sketch
Definitely. As someone who tried to learn Mandarin at school and dropped it, can so relate haha. Apparently Cantonese is even harder (was chatting about it to my eye doctor, who is Chinese/speaks Cantonese)
This wasn't a sketch
take a peak at my attempt of a quick comedy skit m.nlworld.info/key/video/sa94d9mppW-CiaY
Funny for sure
Who else thinks that an ambulance siren should be changed to the coffin dance meme song
I think we've all wanted to lamimate a cat once or twice. Am i right boys 😉
@Christopher Hynes omg I had forgotten about Hale and Pace! This was great - thankyou. It kinda reminded me of the Monty Python dead parrot sketch...
I encountered the odd yappy small dog which could have perhaps benefited from this procedure - or maybe it would have been better applied to the owners...
*clap* *clap* lol
Isn't there more to this story???
@chimericaltwist Where can I see the special ? Thanks.
Yes, he really let the owl free, at the end of this show there is a video of it. You don't really expect it to be true but it was.
In a more serious answer, he did actually buy the owl. Alive and he did set it free. All true, there is a video clip of the whole thing at the end of the special.
Sportacus sounds like an average Thursday for Bill Bailey.
Yeah, he ate a live bat, contracted a respiratory illness, hid it from the rest of the world and brought it to Europe and the Americas, killing hundreds of thousands.
Bat soup anyone? It's really tasty and definitely safe!
Spoiler they save an owl from a chinese restaurant
If there were any justice in the world bill would be world famous and a massive billionaire. This set was absolute genius. Danke
Well I live in Canada, he's famous here so I figure that counts as world famous?
@Zargon the Magnificent Everyone who have seen Black Books know him, maybe not as a comedian but as an actor. That show is quite known, all over.
@Zargon the Magnificent Well, Norway is just a few oar dipps and a fart in the sail away. But he IS pretty well known across Europe, but as stated somewhere else under the video, he attracks people who LOVE to use their brain and become PART of the story! look at Monty Python. BEAUTIFUL! So much *RUBBISH* is saved by the beautiful wordplay and THAT makes the audience THINK and VOILA! Everything in the joke AND the outlook fits PERFECT and become HYSTERICLY funny. AAAHHHH..... sigh. think about it, *MONTY PYTHON! THE COMEDIANS WHO INVENTED THE SPLATTER AND GORE HORROR MOVIES BY FINGER CHOPPING PIANO LIDS, BITING HEAD OF KNIGHTS RABBIT AND EXPLODING PEOPLE IN RESTAURANTS!* And THAT is perfection.
There isn’t any.
@Roberto Fontiglia perfect
Damn what a time to show this section
I wonder why this clip was chosen....
Oh because they’re all big racists.
The owl story has got quite famous...
Who gives a fuck??....just enjoy the ramblings of a modern genius👌
Regardless, content in the video was hilarious. Glad I've seen it now
@Not Q Fucking hell, you must be fun at parties...